Avaricious Lover
by Iacchos
Summary: Dean feels guilty about taking another of Sam's chances at "normal" away. Pairing - Wincest.


I don't own Supernatural or any of its characters. This is just a Wincest fanfic I wrote for fun on my Dean Winchester RP blog. I hope that others will enjoy it as much as I do. This is my second fic ever so feedback would be greatly appreciated. - Cheer, Iacchos.

**Also I don't have any beta readers, so there will probably be mistakes. My apologies.**

* * *

"Take your brother outside as fast as you can, don't look back. Now, Dean! GO!"

He could feel the heat from the blaze; only four-years-old then, running out of the house with his baby brother in his arms. That was the moment everything in their lives changed. Dean went from being a four-year-old boy, to Sammy's protector. That was his job now. He didn't realise it then but it was only a matter of time till that mind-set would become hardwired into the elder Winchester brother. That's what his whole identity was based around from the moment he took his brother out of their burning home. Dean Winchester lived for one main reason, Sam, his baby brother.

He took care of Sam for as long as he could remember. But now it seemed like he was failing worse and worse. The deaths on both their parts and all the pre/post apocalyptic stuff aside, things were getting bad. And this time what was suffering was their relationship and again over a third part. The difference being this time it was Dean that was causing the drift; Sam was just reacting. The elder brother wish so badly that he could have taken back all the terrible things he'd said to Sam about him being a bad brother. None of it was true of course, it was just the anger talking. Not even in dreams could have Dean imagined a better brother than Sam.

Dean was sitting at the edge of his bed. The motel sign was flashing through the window and Sam was seeming to get some sleep finally. It was a big relief to Dean to see that. He knew Sam needed it much more than he did. The elder just sat there, watching the younger, content knowing Sam was there and safe. But the feeling of failing was still gnawing at Dean. Was Sam happy sticking it out with his brother like that? Would he be better off if Dean just left a note for his sleeping angel and drove off into the night? Would Sam refuse to take that goodbye? Would he come looking for him? Dean shook his head as if the physical movement would wipe away those thoughts and as one would assume it didn't. The thoughts just continued to swim around his mind.

Maybe if Dean hadn't gone to the motel and looked Sam up, the younger would have returned there to Amelia after it was all said and done. _Sam would have been happier with her_, Dean thought to himself. _Look what you've done to your precious boy. You've ruined him yet again._ Dean knew exactly why he'd gone to see Sam. He had hoped they'd be able to sort things out like they always did; the two of them, together. But from the moment he'd walked into the Texas motel room, things fell apart and turned into a disaster. The whole drive over, Dean rehearsed all the things he was going to tell Sam. He was going to be honest and upfront, but the way Sam received him upon arrival snapped Dean into that place of coldness he so often diverted to in attempts to save himself the emotional pain. But it was all just smoke and mirrors, lying to himself that it didn't hurt and making it seem like it didn't hurt.

But if anyone looked closely, the pain was always on display in his eyes. Sam was the only one that ever saw it, but Dean knew his brother was too furious with him to have cared to look for it at that time. Or perhaps he had, but his anger had caused him to ignore it. Knowing that Sam hadn't wanted to see him was painful enough, but all the words exchanged between them made it all so much worse. He was going to say: 'Sam I love you and you know that. I always have and I always will. I owe our reuniting to Benny, he's the one that showed me the way out of that hell hole. But that doesn't mean I'm picking him. No, not at all. You're the one I'll always pick, always.' That was what was in his heart and what he wanted to say, but hearing the comparison of Amelia to Jessica and then the words 'the woman I love' made him keep it all in. He had to turn away from his brother when he spoke of possibly not being done with Benny because honestly it wasn't the truth. For Sam he would drop anyone and anything.

Like Cas had asked of them, the Winchesters had stowed their crap away. And now here he was, sitting at the edge of his bed, watching his beloved brother sleep. He felt guilty as hell for Sam being here and not with the woman he loved. Dean loved Sam more than anything in whole entire universe and more than life itself. But to know he's stole him away from someone he loved enough to compare to Jess was killing him. First he took him from Jessica all those years ago and now from Amelia. But Dean didn't know how to live without Sam; no really at least. He felt a tear roll dow his cheek and quickly wiped it away. "I'm so sorry I'm so selfish, Sammy", he whispered, his voice trembling. "I'm so so sorry." He could feel more tears begin to roll down his face. The stinging starting to make itself known to him. He wiped away the tears again and took a deep, steadying breath.

The man stood up and walked over to his brother. "I love you, Sammy", he said as he gently kissed his sleeping brother's forehead. "I love you so much." Dean pulled back and smiled a faint, sad smile. "I'm so sorry that I love you so much that I can't let you go." And with that Dean walked back to his own bed and crawled under the covers. He continued to watch Sam sleep, too selfish to actually pack up and leave. The guilt continuing to wash over him as he laid there till the sun came up and the light of his own life too stirred, awakening.

Dean just smiled faintly at Sam when their eyes met. "New case?" he asked quietly, starting their morning off with work. Then next while would be a hard one to endure.


End file.
